Jokes Will Be Severely Dealt With

People are starting to make jokes about the Tortschnekkel Today blog.
This will NOT be tolerated. All jokesters will be tolerated only as long as it takes to devise a suitable revenge.
This means you, Joey!

A night in the office

I recently arrived at my office 4 hours early.

I found one of my coworkers asleep on the floor behind desk. In his pajamas. Disheveled.

Do you think he's living at the office?

Is that legal in most jurisdictions?

What should I tell my boss?

What should I tell his wife?

What should I do about the smell? I'm in the next cubicle.

The Streets Are Rank With The Smell Of Decay

At first I smelled baked ham. But on my second time out all I detected wafting on the breeze was the odor of decaying meat. A body in downtown? Or just old dumpsters? Rather than investigate, I went inside to breathe the fresh air.

Antibiotic In A Blanket

They taste horrible, those antibiotics. Slinkie won't eat 'em and I'm not comfortable pushing my hand down her throat yet to make her swallow them.

So I wraps each antibiotic tablet in the dregs of a ham I recently cut up (Dregs: chunks of fat, connective tissue, skin, nordic turf, etc) and feeds her them. I give her a couple unsullied dregs first to get her gulping 'em good. Then I throw her the antibiotic in a blanket. It goes down in a gulp. Then maybe one or two more just so she doesn't catch on to refuse the last one because it will taste somehow off. Yes, she's that smart.